Wednesday, September 3, 2014

NiNi's Guide to Raising Teens- PT1- NO MORE YELLING!

  My eldest son turned 13 back in April. The moment the clock struck midnight the "change" happened. He went from being a shy boy who loved his parents and watched over his younger brother to a over emotional teen who always wants his own way and refuses to let any one tell him other wise!

    Each day it seems like our home reverts into a war zone the moment he comes home from school. We are always fighting and constantly yelling! This will go on until bed time and then we are right back at it the next morning.

 It becomes exhausting very fast! You feel like you are at your end and you want to throw in the white towel and let him run loose just so the yelling stops. Well as a parent you know it is not possible to do so. So you begin to think of ways to control the situation in more of a quiet manner.

I started off by trying the "let's walk away for now until we both calm down" speech. Well that just did not work. We either never talked about it again or we would end up right back where we started.
Next on the list was "let's close our eyes and count to 10." What  joke that was! I would only get to the number 2 before one of us was back at yelling again.
Then there was the "Okay I am done! I'll just ignore him until he is done screaming." Well let me tell you that did not last long!

So for days I was racking my brain on ways I could find some type of  middle ground and stop the yelling and fighting entirely!
My brain was on over drive, starting to over heat from all of the thinking I was doing, then all of a sudden like a freight train speeding down the tracks into a dark tunnel then smacking into a brick wall, IT HIT ME!

So off I went to find some 3X5 index cards and my trusty Sharpie!

Then I went to work writing little messages on them. I wrote little things like "I know you are upset right now but I don't like talking to you when you are so angry" "I know you may feel like you hate me right now but try to remember I Love you"  "I know you think this is unfair but this is just the way it needs to be right now" "Could you please take a moment and collect your thoughts then talk to me in your normal voice?"

So I patiently waited for him to get home from school then waited until something upset him. I hopped up and grabbed my index cards and walked into his room with a big smile, waved my hand in front of his face to get his attention and pointed my finger to my cards and vowed to myself  that I would not say a word to him no matter what!
As he read the first card you could see a sparkle hit his eyes and then he proceeded to try to talk and right away I pointed my finger at my next card. Card after card his smile grew bigger and bigger.

When he was done reading all of my cards he stood there smiling, I walked up and gave him a big and walked out of the room.

Silently I was jumping for joy and giddy with happiness! I had a victory under my belt and the best part there was NO MORE YELLING!
The house was quiet and we all were getting along. It was a long awaited victory but a joyous one.

Every time I think a situation will turn into a argument I pull out my trusted index cards!

I am not sure if this has been done before but it has helped tremendously in my home with both my boys and I will definitely continue to use my index cards every chance I get!

Do you have teens or younger children that like to yell or fight with you? What are your methods of controlling the situation? Have you tried the index card method before? if so how did it work out for you?

I do hope this post helps you to find different ways to find a neutral ground with your children. Remember I always love hearing from my viewers. Suggestions and advice are always welcomed.

Index card picture source can be found here.